Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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