What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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