she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
