Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
