Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
