he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
