I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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