How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
