Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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