Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
birth control should be required to get into college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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