So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Congratulations! We have a period
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
