Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
