Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
