i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
