she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
