Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
