ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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