It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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