I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
