Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
