I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
