can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
