i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
