Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
