So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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