Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
