Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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