So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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