capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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