omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
