I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I accidentally burped into my bong.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
