He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
