Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
