I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
