Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
