we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
