U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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