Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
