thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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