My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
