Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
pray to the hookup gods
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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