I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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