And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
