I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
