It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How does one acquire holy water?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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