he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
