Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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