im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
