K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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