Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
