So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
