Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
