i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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