She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
