i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I faked an abortion last night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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