I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
