Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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