you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
