after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
