she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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