Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
