I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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