somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
