I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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