the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
