how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
