i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
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I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
