To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
only if we run a train.
done.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
