I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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