My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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