She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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