All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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