margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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