areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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